**The Art of Connection: How to Speak in Terms of the Other Person’s Interest**
We are hitting Week 18 of the Master Key Experience, and as I reflect on the journey, I realize we are transitioning from kindergarten to middle school in our spiritual and mental development. We’ve been shedding the "concrete" that society poured over our potential and working hard to become slaves to good habits.
Part of that new programming—rewiring my "subby" (subconscious mind)—is learning how to connect deeply with others. I’ve been revisiting one of the masters of human relations, Dale Carnegie. While his principles are timeless, applying them takes a system. The core of his philosophy is to stop thinking about ourselves and start speaking in terms of the other person's interest.
As Carnegie taught, we must try to understand people rather than condemn them. But how do we do that practically in a conversation, especially when we are nervous or focused on a sale?
**The "Bird's Nest" of Conversation**
I remember when my friend Carl taught me how to spin cast for sockeye salmon in a fast-flowing river. It was a complex series of actions: cast upstream, wait for the weight to hit the water, and stop the reel instantly. If I got it wrong, the line would tangle into a "bird’s nest," and I’d spend the next hour frustrated.
Conversation is the same. Without a guide or a system, we get tangled up in our own ego, talking about *our* wants, *our* products, or *our* health issues. We miss the chance to connect. Just as I needed a mentor to show me the casting technique, I needed a tool to master the art of asking the right questions.
**The Conversation Stack: A Visual Tool for Mastery**
In the MKE, we learn to use visualization—like picturing blue rectangles or red circles—to trigger new habits. We also use the "Mind Gym" to create multiple combinations quickly in our brains. I’m applying that same visual power to a tool called the **Conversation Stack**.
This is a mental movie—a stack of 7 vivid pictures—that I keep in my mind. It ensures I never run out of things to ask, and more importantly, it keeps the focus entirely on the other person.
Here is how I visualize it, and how you can too:
**1. The Name Plate**First, I picture a large, heavy brass name plate. It’s huge. It represents the person’s **Name**. As Carnegie implies, a person's name is the most important sound to them in any language. By visualizing this name plate, I remind myself to use their name, to honor it, and to make sure I’ve heard it correctly, including getting the history !
**2. The Rocking House**Balanced precariously on that name plate is a picture of a house on rocker legs. It’s rocking back and forth. Through the window, I can see a family gathered inside. This represents the person’s **Family**. It also represents their history—where they lived, where they came from, and their roots. Asking, "Where did you grow up?" or "Tell me about your family," opens the door to their heart.
**3. The Work Glove**Sticking out of the chimney of that rocking house is a giant, dirty work glove. It’s impossible to miss. This represents the person’s **Work**. It’s not just what they do, but where they were trained or schooled. Most people spend the majority of their waking hours working; showing interest in their profession validates their effort.
**4. The 747 Jet**Now, look closely at the glove. Jammed tightly in between the fingers of that giant glove is a massive 747 Jet. This represents **Travel**. Where have they been? What have they experienced? Travel questions often light up a person’s face because it connects them to their adventures and memories.
**5. The Tennis Racquet**This visual gets even crazier. Jammed right through the windshield of the 747 jet is a giant Tennis Racquet. This represents **Sports**. What do they play? What do they watch? What are they interested in physically? Even if they aren't athletes, most people have a recreational passion.
**6. The Caveman’s Club**Jammed through the strings of that tennis racquet is a giant, rough-hewn Caveman’s Club. This represents **Clubs** and organizations. Do they belong to the Rotary? A church group? A knitting circle? The "club" reminds me to ask about the groups they identify with.
**7. The Light Bulb**Finally, screwed into the very end of that caveman’s club is a giant, glowing Light Bulb. This represents their **Ideas, Philosophies, and Beliefs**. This is the deep stuff. Once you’ve navigated through family, work, and passions, you earn the right to ask, "What do you think about...?"
**Why This Works: The Law of Interest**
These subjects, paired with appropriate questions, are the foundation of all great conversations. The secret is simple: **ask the questions and let the prospect talk.**
In my years as a real estate agent, and now as I build another business and health, I’ve learned that you will make more sales if you know the innermost thoughts of your customer. You can’t get to those thoughts by talking about yourself.
When we focus on our own problems—like I’ve had to focus on my recovery from the skin infection this past year—it’s easy to become self-absorbed. But true health and true success come from service. As I wrote previously, visualizing a new reality is an act of service. Listening is perhaps the highest form of that service.
**Applying the "Scrolls" to Conversation**
This connects back to the scrolls we read in *The Greatest Salesman in the World*. Scroll II tells us to greet the day with love in our heart. It says we must look on all things with love—the ambitious, the failures, the rich, and the poor.
How do you demonstrate that love? By listening. By using the Conversation Stack to say, "I see you. I want to know you. Your story matters."
When you use this stack, you aren't just making small talk. You are chipping away the "concrete" that covers their Golden Buddha. You are allowing their greatness to shine through because you are giving them a platform to express it.
**The Uphill Climb**
I know this sounds like a lot to remember. It’s uphill. But as I’ve said before, anything worthwhile is likely uphill. The voice in your head might say, "Just wing it," or "I don't need a system." That’s the voice of mediocrity. That’s the voice that leads to the "bird’s nest" of tangled communication.
We are in the final leg of this journey of commitment. We are building habits that will serve us for a lifetime. So, take this visual stack into the "Mind Gym." Practice it. See the house rocking on the name plate. See the jet in the glove.
When you master this, you stop worrying about what to say next. You become present. You become a person of influence not because you are loud, but because you care.
**The Takeaway**
Proper thinking is the beginning of any result. If you think about the other person’s interests, the results—sales, friendships, influence—will follow.
I’m fully in till the change comes about.
**Ray**
